From Digging to America again:
"Dressing for an evening with her friends, Maryam felt none of the anxiety she used to feel dressing for social events in the old days. Back then she might change outfits several times before deciding what to wear; and she used to prepare a mental list of conversational gambits. It wasn't just age tht made the difference (although that helped, no doubt); it was more that she had winnowed out the people she wasn't at ease with."
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Sir John Middleton in Sense and Sensibility calls it "winkling" - as in "Mother is awfully good at winkling secrets out of people."
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